Watching my robot girlfriend scrape a pipe for resin and wishing I wouldn't have taken that damn pill; I feel fucking weird, like there is a leak in my ceiling and its dripping all over my body. I'd like to punch this guy on TV in the face. SHAMWOW! Its the most amazing towel in the universe. SHAMWOW! It picks up anything you need picked up, water, soad, wine, puke. WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE! Its a sham. The name says it all. Shamwow. Sham? Come on boogie, you know Richard Filth is gonna stick his hands down your pants when he gets the chance, but you hang out with him anyway. Why do you always act so surprised when he accosts you?
There is a giant meteor hurdling straight for Arizona, but right now I don't give a shit. That bastard gank Rys pocketed my lighter at work today. Its time to write a letter.
Dear Assface,
Next time I see you I am going to put you in a reverse headlock and punch you in the junk.
Your friend,
Doom
On another note, tell your kids not to use credit cards. This is part of the reasoning behind this current credit crisis. They tell you that Americans just aren't spending money anymore, we've all heard that one. What they don't tell you is that Americans aren't spending anymore because their credit cards are MAXED OUT. Everyone I know is on the hook for thousands of dollars to several different credit card companies and are paying compounded interest in the ball park of twenty to thirty percent! This is no joke; literally everyone I know is in this downward spiral of credit card debt, aside from myself and Jimmy Bevil. Some kids get cards at 18 and by the time they graduate from college they have 5(),()()() plus in school loans and ten g's in credit card debt. (and ten g's is a conservative estimate)
Thats like having a mortgage on a house before you even get a job. If they pay the minimum balance every month they'll have to live to be a hundred and seventy-three to get it paid off. So now everyone in America is spent, they can't get any more credit and they can't buy cool shit from the mall. Good job douchebags.
I went to a community college, snaked the money for an associates degree from my parents and the government, and I never used a credit card. Fast forward a few years... I have a crappy job in a crappy town and spend all my money on beer. No debt. Debt free. Raise your hand if you can say that with a stright face. Hmmm? No takers? I didn't think so.
Oh, before I forget, watch out for Phil Dorchester. Check out this madness he sent me last week.
Doom,
My name is Philip Paulson Dorchester, and I am a sociopath. I manipulate the people and things in my vicinity with the power of mind and words. You will do what I say.
Your friend,
Philip P. Dorchester
Now I'm not the type to be scared of anyone, but this Mr. Dorchester must be a total psycho. He went through the trouble of writing this letter, sealing it in an envelope, PAYING FOR A STAMP, and yet he neglected to actually tell me what to do. That doesn't even make sense.
Believe it, this man is dangerous.
Doom
There is a giant meteor hurdling straight for Arizona, but right now I don't give a shit. That bastard gank Rys pocketed my lighter at work today. Its time to write a letter.
Dear Assface,
Next time I see you I am going to put you in a reverse headlock and punch you in the junk.
Your friend,
Doom
On another note, tell your kids not to use credit cards. This is part of the reasoning behind this current credit crisis. They tell you that Americans just aren't spending money anymore, we've all heard that one. What they don't tell you is that Americans aren't spending anymore because their credit cards are MAXED OUT. Everyone I know is on the hook for thousands of dollars to several different credit card companies and are paying compounded interest in the ball park of twenty to thirty percent! This is no joke; literally everyone I know is in this downward spiral of credit card debt, aside from myself and Jimmy Bevil. Some kids get cards at 18 and by the time they graduate from college they have 5(),()()() plus in school loans and ten g's in credit card debt. (and ten g's is a conservative estimate)
Thats like having a mortgage on a house before you even get a job. If they pay the minimum balance every month they'll have to live to be a hundred and seventy-three to get it paid off. So now everyone in America is spent, they can't get any more credit and they can't buy cool shit from the mall. Good job douchebags.
I went to a community college, snaked the money for an associates degree from my parents and the government, and I never used a credit card. Fast forward a few years... I have a crappy job in a crappy town and spend all my money on beer. No debt. Debt free. Raise your hand if you can say that with a stright face. Hmmm? No takers? I didn't think so.
Oh, before I forget, watch out for Phil Dorchester. Check out this madness he sent me last week.
Doom,
My name is Philip Paulson Dorchester, and I am a sociopath. I manipulate the people and things in my vicinity with the power of mind and words. You will do what I say.
Your friend,
Philip P. Dorchester
Now I'm not the type to be scared of anyone, but this Mr. Dorchester must be a total psycho. He went through the trouble of writing this letter, sealing it in an envelope, PAYING FOR A STAMP, and yet he neglected to actually tell me what to do. That doesn't even make sense.
Believe it, this man is dangerous.
Doom
1 comment:
I want to sign up for Dorchester's fucking newsletter. Just saying.
Post a Comment