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Watching my robot girlfriend scrape a pipe for resin and wishing I wouldn't have taken that damn pill; I feel fucking weird, like there is a leak in my ceiling and its dripping all over my body. I'd like to punch this guy on TV in the face. SHAMWOW! Its the most amazing towel in the universe. SHAMWOW! It picks up anything you need picked up, water, soad, wine, puke. WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE! Its a sham. The name says it all. Shamwow. Sham? Come on boogie, you know Richard Filth is gonna stick his hands down your pants when he gets the chance, but you hang out with him anyway. Why do you always act so surprised when he accosts you?

There is a giant meteor hurdling straight for Arizona, but right now I don't give a shit. That bastard gank Rys pocketed my lighter at work today. Its time to write a letter.

Dear Assface,
Next time I see you I am going to put you in a reverse headlock and punch you in the junk.

Your friend,
Doom

On another note, tell your kids not to use credit cards. This is part of the reasoning behind this current credit crisis. They tell you that Americans just aren't spending money anymore, we've all heard that one. What they don't tell you is that Americans aren't spending anymore because their credit cards are MAXED OUT. Everyone I know is on the hook for thousands of dollars to several different credit card companies and are paying compounded interest in the ball park of twenty to thirty percent! This is no joke; literally everyone I know is in this downward spiral of credit card debt, aside from myself and Jimmy Bevil. Some kids get cards at 18 and by the time they graduate from college they have 5(),()()() plus in school loans and ten g's in credit card debt. (and ten g's is a conservative estimate)

Thats like having a mortgage on a house before you even get a job. If they pay the minimum balance every month they'll have to live to be a hundred and seventy-three to get it paid off. So now everyone in America is spent, they can't get any more credit and they can't buy cool shit from the mall. Good job douchebags.

I went to a community college, snaked the money for an associates degree from my parents and the government, and I never used a credit card. Fast forward a few years... I have a crappy job in a crappy town and spend all my money on beer. No debt. Debt free. Raise your hand if you can say that with a stright face. Hmmm? No takers? I didn't think so.

Oh, before I forget, watch out for Phil Dorchester. Check out this madness he sent me last week.

Doom,
My name is Philip Paulson Dorchester, and I am a sociopath. I manipulate the people and things in my vicinity with the power of mind and words. You will do what I say.

Your friend,
Philip P. Dorchester

Now I'm not the type to be scared of anyone, but this Mr. Dorchester must be a total psycho. He went through the trouble of writing this letter, sealing it in an envelope, PAYING FOR A STAMP, and yet he neglected to actually tell me what to do. That doesn't even make sense.

Believe it, this man is dangerous.

Doom

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Greetings

Greetings from the darkness. I am Jacob Doom, and I feel that it is far past due that I introduce myself to the world. So! Hello and salutations. I have so many wonderful things to show you.
I am what many would call a malcontent. When I look at the world, I know it is dying. Humans are to blame in the short term, but in the long term we all must know that this carnival ride wouldn't last forever. After exploring the universe with our electric eyes in outerspace we know that while there is a possibility of life in the stars, we probably won't be around long enough to find it, for as the story goes the universe must support the existence of life because we are alive to observe it... But before long no one will be left to observe. Not on this planet anyway.

How long before that day comes is a choice that is entirely up to us as a species, but I'm not holding my breath.

Sure, the world will probably-barring nuclear war or a freak global outbreak of a disease-continue existing long after you and I are long dead and gone dear reader, but how long? But that's not really the question is it?

The question is, what will we do in the mean time? The optimistic answer is human kind will eventually come to terms with itself and wars and suffering as we know it will be abolished and an age of love and enlightenment will replace the old ways. The reality is, we will probably just go into a future that is more or less business as usual. Hitlers and Ghengis Khans are no freak accident, eventually someone will again figure out how to grasp ultimate power and conquer the common folk once more. Or is that now? Have we been tricked? Is the proverbial wool over our eyes?

I work a shit 925 just to survive, and I imagine that most of you do too. We aren't making ourselves a future, we are just getting by. Creditcards are the worst, and if I can ever teach anyone anything it is that credit is the demon's lure to pull you deeply and permanently into the cycle. This is why I have none and will never get one, a credit card that is. I tell you friends, a 925 barely pays my bills and keeps the lights working, if I had a credit card payment I would never have any cash at all. Its funny, an MIT grad once told me that in his mind I was the richest person he knew. Consider that this came from a guy with a cool million in the bank. Figuratively in the bank of course, considering that with his his four figure house payment, multiple car payments and enormous fucking credit card debt; he too is just barely treading water and he just retired three or four years ago.

That nice picture of your future plans to be rich seeming less and less interesting? We are all slaves to our shit, to our system, in one way or another there is no such thing as a truely rich person until you get to the top 1 or 2 % of earners, and even those guys have bullshit to deal with the likes of which we normal folks could never imagine. Try this on for size. A millionaire finds himself in the arms of a beautiful female for a night of unimaginable passion, then he wakes up with a note detailing where he must donate 10 million dollars or have a manilla envelope of pictures of his evening delivered by hand to his loving wife and business partner of fifteen years. Yeah, life sucks for everyone sooner or later.

So what do I do to take the edge off? Well, if you don't count hookers and booze, I write. I write a lot. My pursuit of a career in writing is actually what brought this blog into existance because some jackass told me that in the age of the internet an unknown writer must Blog or no one will know who he is... Though I do wonder if mysteriousness would be the better course, I wrote this blog anyway, so that I could present myself in some fashion and possibly explain this compulsive drive that I have that is in the form of written expression. What I actually write for, why I write, is something I have yet to come to grips with, but I do write and I try to do it to the best of my meager ability. In the coming months one of my works will be available for purchase, and hopefully some of you fine folks out there in zombie land might find some enjoyment in my madness.

For now, Doom out.